What I’ve Been Up To Lately

Sometimes I’m really good at not realizing how much is happening until I write it down. (I think it’s a combination of my tendency to downplay whatever I’m doing and a mechanism to help prevent me from getting overwhelmed, but that’s besides the point.)

What’s been happening:

• I’ve been taking a wedding photography course since the middle of September. It’s been really good! The first of two shooting sessions was a bit intimidating as there are quite a few professional photographers in the class and so trying to pose people differently than them when you have very little experience doesn’t always work very well. At least it is experience and I did do my best to learn things from them, but it will be hard to choose a photo that is different than everyone elses. The second shoot I was at the other class and only a single guy showed up as a model. The following is my favourite shot – not very wedding-y, but that’s okay. I love how he looks like he’s just stepped out of the 1950s.
  
• I’ve been attempting to apply for jobs. Engineering jobs. In September I went to a job fair and have applied/given my resumes out for a few positions. Some may ask me why, but I think I’d like to try the engineering thing in hopes of having a better experience than my internship. We’ll see what happens because it’s up to God anyways!
• Mr. Bean recently started a residency at work, which is awesome (Praise the Lord!) especially because it means that he most likely does not have to go back and do a PhD (4+ years) to become certified in the field he works in. It’s been super busy for him since he started (most days have been 10+ hours) because as well as doing the various clinical rotations and other residency requirements, he’s still doing his old job as well. I hope things settle down a bit so he doesn’t get sick!
• I’ve been playing arts and crafts a lot recently in my attempts to make our Halloween costumes this year. It involves foam armour and crazy final fantasy costumes, so we’ll see if my enthusiasm continues throughout the course of the project.
• Lots of people are having babies! Both Mr. Bean’s best friends are expecting (first for one and second for the other) and Kim, the other girl in my fourth year engineering design project, is also having another baby. I’m so excited for all of them!
• My sister, who was visiting at the end of August and beginning of September is back in Quebec and is (sort of) back to blogging. Any and all prayers for her ministry in Quebec would be appreciated!

What I’ve been thinking:

• I’ve realized that I prefer to post photos instead of feelings here. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that (as I do really love photography) but I feel that I’ve sort of gotten out of touch with myself. (Plus, when I’m feeling depressed, the last thing I want to do is drag other people down as they read my less than inspiring posts.)
• After a comment by Caitlin the other day saying how inspirational my blog is for talking about depression, I got thinking that it might benefit more than just me to write a mini series on dealing with depression. I know I’m definitely not perfect or the best example as it’s something that I struggle with almost everyday, but it might be good to do anyways.
• I’m back (again) to the whole eating sugar vs. not eating sugar debate. I’m also having trouble figuring out what food really bothers me as sometimes I will have something and it will bother me but if I have it again, not much of a reaction. (The same goes for the other way around.) I really liked Jill’s post about seasons of life changing and how what we put in our bodies affects us differently over time. So, I think it might be time to retry to figure out what I’m allergic to – blood tests from 14 years ago probably aren’t the best indicator of what my body reacts to now. I’ve noticed that Brittany has been doing a combination of the elimination and paleo diets. Anyone have any resources for either?

What I’ve been interested in:

• A while ago, I discovered Knapkins. It’s a website where you look at pictures of food and decide which one looks tastier. I’m not going to say how many hours I’ve spent there as I’m against self incrimination.
• My blog friend Emily has started up a new blog called Newlywed Bliss. I know I’m hardly a newly wed as I’ve been married for over three years, but I’m a firm believer in working on your marriage and keeping the romance alive regardless of how long you’ve been married. Some of the posts are really great, like this one talking about how to make the most of your time together, which will come in handy now that Mr. Bean is super busy!
• My favourite show, Murdoch Mysteries is being cancelled, which is super sad. If you like the show, please sign the petition.
• A while ago I joined Pinterest and I love it. Are you on it? We should follow each other!

What have you been up to lately?

Shoot and Edit: Bubbles and an Update

Since I don’t have any kids or bubble blowing gear, I had to come up with my own kind of bubbles for this week’s Good to Wow: Shoot and Edit. My best substitution? Bubbles in my sink!

I hope to do something interesting with them as they are a bit boring at the moment. Bubbles from dish soap are quite pretty though!

Now for an update:

• I have decided to not continue volunteering at CUPS because I don’t think that it is helping me anymore. It was great to work on my boundaries and make some friendships with the workers and the clients, but being there and dealing with some of those people is just too stressful for me and life is too short. Now I’m looking for some other volunteering to do, so if anyone in the Calgary area has any suggestions, please share!
• I have managed to strain my right wrist… again. You’d think I’d learn, eh? The combination of gripping tightly when I write, doing exercises with too much wrist bend, biking without gloves and poor hand posture while on my laptop has caught up with me. Now I have to behave and make sure my wrist is straight and do exercises. At least I don’t have to write any finals like one of the other times I strained  it!
• I signed up for the next studio portrait lighting course next fall, which I am super excited about! I’m thinking about signing up for the wedding photography one even thought it’s on Saturdays and I will have to miss one class to go to a wedding.

What’s new with you?

Questions

You know when your life just feels like one big question mark? That’s kind of how I feel at the moment. I feel like there is a lot of uncertainty in my life and I don’t like it. I know I’m supposed to trust that God is in control, but it’s difficult especially when I want to be the one holding the reins.

I would appreciate some advice from you regarding some of my questions:

• I have recently been approached by a website of someone who appears as a health expert on a TV show for a partnership: if I provide a link in support of her website then I will be compensated through books, advertising or something along those lines. Eventually later this summer I would participate in a blogger spotlight program where I would share some of my expertise on vegan/gluten free/allergy friendly cooking and the like.  It’s sort of a “if you send me traffic, I’ll return the favour” type thing.
  While I am quite excited to be noticed and have someone who wants my knowledge and I know that it could be a great opportunity for me and my blog, I am hesitant to make my blog into an advertisement for someone else. So, I wanted to ask you, my lovely readers, what you think about this?

• Related to that is that I have also been approached by some companies to do reviews of their products. What do you guys think about product reviews and giveaways? (Rest assured that I will not become a sponsored blog with every second post talking about product x that company y gave me to review. )  I have been somewhat tentative about doing sponsored reviews, but I have agreed to review one company’s baking mixes because I have seen it in my local health food store and I thought it might actually be helpful for those of you who don’t have time to make things from scratch. So expect a giveaway soon!

• I am debating whether or not I should continue volunteering at CUPS. Sometimes it can be quite fun as I like interacting with a whole bunch of the clients and it has been excellent for helping me to build boundaries, but it can also be quite stressful and I can’t really show my servant’s heart without being taken advantage of. I guess that is the reality of dealing with homeless, addicted and broken people in such a situation. I also feel torn because I know that the people who work there really appreciate my help and I was the volunteer they used in their annual report to help encourage others to volunteer at CUPS as well, so stopping would be somewhat … hypocritical. haha.

• I am still unsure of what I want to do with my future in terms of employment. I realized that I’m still incredibly hesitant about jumping into an engineering job because I’m afraid it’s going to be a repeat of my internship. Honestly, I don’t want to wake up every morning dreading going to work and then pretending that I like it. Not fun. On the other hand, in my studio portrait photography course the instructor talked a bit about opening your own photography business. For the last year or so I have thrown around the idea of opening my own photography business at some point,  but I’m afraid and I don’t know whether this is the time to do it or not. If it is, then it opens the Pandora’s box of things you need to do to open your own business, which is scary enough on its own!  Like choosing a name. Funny that I usually get caught up on things like that. So, do any of you know anyone who has made the jump to professional photographer and would be able to give me some advice?

• After going to this spiritual healing course at the beginning of May, my belief system has been challenged as all the lies of the devil I’ve believed in are being revealed by God’s truth. I am glad this is happening, but the two battling belief systems are creating a lot of confusion.

Thank you for reading this and I appreciate any and all thoughts and advice! 🙂

Friday Fun

The last few weeks have been quite hectic around the Bean Household, so I haven’t had as much time online as I usually do. So, I thought I would share some of the more exciting things that I have been up to:

1. I’m working with JennyO on a collaborative self portrait over the last week or so. I am really excited for how it’s coming together. Stay tuned!
2. I’m now tutoring three people instead of one. It’s a good thing that I like math and science!
3. The weather has gotten nice enough for me to start riding my bike and everything is starting to turn green. Both things make me incredibly happy.
4. My photography courses are over until I may start some in the fall. I loved going to them, but I also like having an evening back to hang out with Mr. Bean.
5. I decided to participate in this week’s “Foto Friday” challenge with the prompt “Old.” This photo is from our trip to Europe last spring of a monastery ruin that was originally built in the 1400s. I consider that to be quite old!
   
6. I made bread again today. There’s nothing quite like fresh bread. Yum.
7. Remember these cake pops? Well, I won second place in the challenge and received a copy of “Everyday Raw” by Matthew Kenney. It’s my kind of cookbook – lots of colour, smooth pages, easy to read and lots of pictures. Seriously, everything looks so delicious. Thank you Nicole and Lisa!
8. Mr. Bean and I booked our flights out to Vancouver Island for this summer. I am really looking forward to it!
9. I feel like I’ve realized something really important in my counselling, which is good. Now just to deal with it.
10. I really like this song:
    
    It’s true. We’re more than our past mistakes. God loves us. We’ve been remade. 🙂

What is the most exciting thing that happened to you in the last week or so?

Self, You Are Beautiful

Like most women, positive self image is something I struggle with. It’s hard not to compare yourself to those perfectly skinny, beautiful women who are plastered all over magazines, TV and advertisements.

In my family, from my mid-teens on I was the “fat” daughter. I was never obese, just overweight and even when I did lose 25 pounds, I was still about 10 – 20 lbs heavier that my mom and sister. Over the last year I’ve lost about another 10 lbs and even though I know am not fat, I still view myself as such and I’m constantly comparing myself to others. Add in a few zits, grey hair and few other “flaws” and it leaves me feeling very insecure and telling myself that I am hardly an attractive person.

As you might have guessed, my view of myself is determined by the world and not by God, which is how it should be. So what does God say about me?

He says that I am beautiful. I am his treasured child. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. We all have inherent worth because we are his children and he loves us.

When I saw that Jill was starting the “I am Beautiful” project, I knew this was something I wanted, no, needed to participate in it. I’m trying to change my negative self talk into something more positive: filling myself with God’s truth about what he truly thinks about me. This is just another step along that path. I hope that you’ll join us!

I’ve been watching others participate in Selfie-Saturdays, but have never worked up the courage to do it myself as I couldn’t possibly look as nice as all the other people who link up. But since I was taking photos of myself anyways, I thought I might as well try despite my inability to make “Model Eyes” (haha) because there is no reason to be ashamed of my looks – I’m good enough for God, so I am good enough for a self portrait!

I did my best to do the squinty eyes, but I guess I just can’t help but smile. 🙂

I pray that God will show you how beautiful you truly are – inside and out! ❤