Have you ever had something that you really don’t want to think about but have to? I’m needing to currently. The only thing is that I’ve spent so much of my life avoiding thinking about it that I don’t know how to let myself. I guess I’m afraid of losing control – I’ve put so many band-aids over the gaping wound to try to keep it together and I’m not willing to re-open it. I’m afraid that I’ll end up in a hospital or something but I guess it’s better than feeling partially wretched all the time. I hate how I have to hit rock bottom before I can really get better.
How have you dealt with things that you’d rather not?
That’s right! I didn’t fall asleep until about 9 this morning and slept wretchedly for about 4 hours. Bleh.
I also want to apologize for my absence around here – it seems somewhat of a monkey wrench has been thrown in my life. It’s hard to do anything when your brain chemistry is …interesting.
I was sleeping a bit better (ironically after trying and getting off of sleeping pills) but last night I just couldn’t sleep. Ever had your brain just not calm down enough to lie still? Or the desire to cry once your head hits the pillow. Yeah, not fun.
What excitement is happening in everyone elses lives?
Please note that this is a fairly personal post and I don’t want you feeling sorry for me or anything… I just need to get things out.
Yes, I phoned in to the doctor’s office and made an appointment for next Friday. I’m pretty proud of myself because usually I am too afraid to admit that something is wrong with me. Continue reading