Just in case you haven’t figured it out, I have decided to go through with the full three weeks of the Daniel Fast. I still don’t feel amazing, but I think it is manageable for another 1 1/2 weeks. Who said fasting was supposed to be easy, anyways?
The last week has been interesting. I’ve dealt with a lot of emotional related things – I’m a master at repressing emotion and now it’s all coming back – but it’s been good for me. I’m having to really feel things that I didn’t let myself feel the first time around and trust God that he is in control and he loves me despite how I’m feeling. I’ve made a few realizations in the last week that are key to my personal growth and moving forward. One of them is I realized that I need to be affirmed for WHO I am, not WHAT I do. It’s a very important distinction to make as I define my self worth based on my performance and what I do, instead of seeing myself as a child of God who has inherent self worth.
In a similar vein, I’m having difficulty trying to figure out how much I should be doing right now. I’m feeling overwhelmed with my emotional stuff yet the rational part of me is like “well, you’ve been out of school for almost a year. You should have dealt with this stuff by now. Why can’t you do more like all the other people?” A lot of this has to do with how companies are theoretically hiring around now, so I feel that I should be focusing on that, but honestly, I don’t think I am emotionally ready for a job yet. It’s not like I’m doing nothing: this afternoon I will be starting to tutor two girls in grade 12 level chemistry (one of my favourite courses in highschool), I will essentially still be taking one photography class a week until the middle of May, my mum and I have been working with a personal trainer and I try to go to the gym almost everyday, I have bible study, dance classes, counselling, blogging, and of course, being a housewife. But there I go again defining myself by what I do. I’ve come to the realization that I’m not comfortable just being me (whoever that is) and I feel that I have to justify everything I do – it’s like I’m rehearsing what I would say if someone is being judgmental of me. I am trying to be less critical of myself, but it’s hard and a work in progress.
On top of being emotional, my body is not functioning how it should, which adds a lot of extra stress. I think it’s just my body’s way of trying to “help” me deal with the emotional stress I put myself through. I do have a doctor’s appointment next Tuesday (Praise the Lord for the booking nurse to fit me in as soon as possible!), so I would appreciate prayer that this is a stress related issue and not something hugely wrong with me. (Even though, I do believe that long periods of stress can cause hugely wrong things, so I guess I better be careful!)
Along with all the thought and effort put into dealing with my issues, I seem to do a good job of talking about and eating a fair amount of food, despite being on a fast. (whoops!) I think my body has gotten used to not eating meat/cheese as a source of protein, so it doesn’t appear to be as hungry all the time, which is a huge blessing. Anyways, I want to share with you what we’ve eaten in the last week as inspiration for anyone who is also doing the Daniel Fast. You can see what I ate on Days 1 -3 here.
Breakfasts: Either cooking up cornmeal mush with a banana in it, then adding thawed berries and nuts or I made four more servings of oatmeal cooked with apples and cinnamon, then adding thawed berries, raisins and nuts to it.
Lunch: I basically had various leftovers for lunch everyday. I love low effort lunches!
Dinner: Roasted vegetables with spiced rice and lentils. I didn’t add the cinnamon to the rice and used sweet potato, parsnips, zucchini, peppers, onions, broccoli and carrots. I would definitely recommend this as it was delicious. Probably one of my more favourite things I’ve had thus far.
Dinner: Leftovers – we had a lot to use up!
Dinner: Mixed bean quinoa salad with spinach and tomatoes with vegetables. We were at my parent’s house for dinner, so I brought my own protein and they gave me the veggies. I was kind of annoyed that they cooked salmon for dinner (as I LOVE salmon), but I quickly got over it.
Dinner: Black bean with sweet potato, onion and pepper burritos served with tomatoes and lettuce in gluten free and vegan Chapati (Indian flatbread.) The burritos had cumin in them and they were SO good. I’m probably going to make this again (and hopefully remember to take photos!)
Dinner: Roasted root vegetables (parsnips, carrots, sweet potato) with caramelized onion and mushrooms with lentils adapted from the Clean Start cookbook along with some cooked asparagus. SO. GOOD.
Dinner: Adaption of Amy’s Winter Minestrone – I added cabbage, mushrooms, a bit of kale and chickpeas instead of kidney beans. I added a but too much red pepper flakes for my liking, but other than that, it was really good!
Dinner: We’re just having leftovers tonight. It works well as I have started tutoring someone on Thursday afternoons and I have my photography class this evening.
Snacks: Usually I have a piece of fruit, some veggies with hummus, crackers with peanut butter and fruit or a handful of nuts. I borrowed my parent’s food processor and made these energy balls out of dates, walnuts and coconut. Oh my goodness, are these sinfully delicious and amazing – almost as good as chocolate. I don’t think I’ll make these again as they are too decadent for this fast! (To me, this is a “choice food,” which I’m not supposed to be eating!)
I’m having a conundrum – I’m starting to feel a bit sick and have a sore throat. I’ve been drinking hot water with lemon juice in it, but do you think that having a throat lozenge to help stop my throat from hurting goes against the rules of the fast because I’m not supposed to be eating chemicals or sweeteners?
How do you define your self worth?
If you’ve ever written a blog post on this topic, please link it up as I would love to read it!